Dear Ivy,
This is the first of what I am sure will be many letters I write to you that you won't read for a long time. This past weekend we found out that you were going to be a girl. This is a huge moment, because that is the point you went from being "The Baby" to Ivy Rose.
There is a lot you will learn about your dad as you grow. Hopefully it is mostly good. One thing is I don't really scare very easy. More to the point of not just not easily scared is that I am not easily startled. Even when I am scared, usually I do a decent job of responding calmly. A lot of your dad's life has been facing the unknown, responding to the unpredictable, and navigating stormy waters. It has made me steady at the helm. So hopefully when you read what I am about to write (}when you first get to see these letters sometime around your 30-50th birthday{) you'll be very surprised.
I am scared to death about raising a little girl. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I have a head full of low worth knowledge to pass on. But sometimes I don't know what i actually have in my head that a little girl would want to know? I know a little bit about the internal combustion engine. I know how to change the oil, a lot of the basics about how it works and what its different parts do. But those things are soon to all be pieces of antiquity that you will probably never hear. Even if they are still around will you really be interested? Eventually I would like have a project vehicle, maybe an old car, maybe an off road truck, maybe some sort of weekend race machine. Will you want to get in there and wrench with your old man? I like dirt, sun, and the outdoors. Will you have an interest in those things? I will teach you the importance of knowing where your food comes from, what it is, and that you have to respect when/how something gives its life so that you can eat. Will that just gross you out? I doubt any one would say your father is a "Man's Man" or a "Macho Man". I'm not, but the truth is I have very little understanding of the things little girls like to do. So you see, you'll probably be teaching me as much as I am teaching you here. Luckily for you your Mom is VERY ...well for lack of a better way of labeling it with the vocabulary I have..."girlie". She's the one who makes every animal (as long as it isn't small and fast moving) a pet. She's good with the importance of aesthetics, where as I am lost once we move beyond the function of something. Your Mother is an amazing woman, and there will be no worries about you getting all the best info about being a woman that you can. In that respect you are in very good hands.
But I will learn about how to be a guy in a house full of women quickly I think. I have done it before, but it has probably been 2 decades and many of my own guy-ish habits had yet to truly form. That part isn't too much of a worry for me, I'll learn the big fear is the answer to a question I ask myself over and over, "What do I know about being a good male role-model for a little girl?" They say it is one of the most important roles in a young woman's life. One of the most pivotal in her development. The main male role model determines how she views and relates to the opposite sex, how she picks future mates, how she interacts with the rest of the world, and shapes her with consequences that last not just her life time but for GENERATIONS. It is easy to see what happens when a male role model messes up. How will I SHOW you how a man is supposed to act? How will I be sure you see? How can I be both firm and soft, strong and tender? Again I hope when you read this you're surprised to discover that your father was working through it like a sailor in the dark on unknown seas. Hopefully you'll have been so convinced that your dad was an old pro who never failed to show how to be the best person you can be and how to live with integrity and compassion.
BUT I am a realist, and I will make mistakes, and all I can hope is that they are small ones and that hopefully you'll be able to forgive them. I am really looking forward to being perfect for you, and since I know I won't I am also comfortable in the knowledge that I will be able to roll with the mistakes I make. I just hope that maybe, just maybe, they are small enough to either go unnoticed or to not leave too big of a mark.
With Endless Love,
Daddy.
